#5: Killaton's Fate Part 1

VNN Special Report #5:

Killaton's Fate Part 1

We interrupt Fun With Ovens to bring you this special report

“Hello. I am Erik Von Luthor, and this is a Villain News Network Special Report.”

“As we all know, there have been several countries in the middle east that have had their governments collapse as a result of various riots. Various Super Villains attempted to fill the power vacuum that was left behind, but the Justice Brigade was waiting and defeated all of them.”

“In the aftermath of the Justice Brigade's victory, there have been several questions that have yet to be answered. Will Corporal Crosshairs replace Dr Devlix's Windows Phone? Did the UN know the Justice Brigade would be waiting? And why was the Villainous Oven Mitt even given a chance to take over a country? But the biggest question on peoples minds is where was Dr Killaton during all this?”

“Dr Kenneth Killaton, the current president of the United Supervillain's Association, was last seen on February 12, when Dr Devlix asked if he could use the mechs he stored in the great pyramids in Devlix's attempt to take over Egypt. He did not show up for a meeting to determine who from the USA would receive a special permit to take over a country. And after everyone was defeated, the search for Dr Killaton began.”

“Sadly, the search came to an end earlier this week when human remains were found in the feces of the most dangerous animal in the world, the North American Rabbit. And earlier today, DNA tests confirmed that they were Killaton's.”

“An investigation of Killaton's lair found an encrypted file on a hidden flash drive. The file was a letter that said that he was sick of the constant battling against super heroes and had decided to end his life in the most peaceful way possible; being viciously torn to shreds by small pointy bunny teeth.”

“Killaton, shown here cheering on his beloved Minnesota Awesome, was well respected in the Super Villain community. Our thoughts and sympathy go out to all his minions.”

“We will of course keep you informed on any new developments in this story. A memorial service has been scheduled for two weeks from now, in accordance to the Super Villain Death act, just in case he faked his death. Until then, I am Erik Von Luthor. Good Night”

We now return to Fun With Ovens already in progress.

#4: Chaos In The Middle East Part 4

VNN Special Report #4:

Chaos In The Middle East part 4

We interrupt The Deaf People's Opera to bring you this special report

“Hello. I am Erik Von Luthor, and this is a Villain News Network Special Report.”

“Late last night, the last of the Super Villains who received special permits to take over part of the Middle East surrendered. The Villainous Oven Mitt, when he realized he had received a permit to take over Libya, returned the permit and said he would not be using it.”

“'I have to take Muammar Gaddafi? That guy is as evil as Dr Phil! I don't want to face him! I would rather get my face smashed by Spatula Man again then invade Libya!”

“The Villainous Oven Mitt was of course only partially correct. Muammar Gaddafi is only almost as evil as Dr Phil. Dr Phil is, of course, the most evil man to ever live. Compared to him Hitler is as harmless as a Catholic priest.”

“Upon hearing that he had been compared to a Catholic priest, Mecha Hitler issued the following statement.”

“Hey, don't compare me to a Catholic Priest! That's just mean. Sure I tried to kill off entire races, cultures and people groups. Sure I tried to take over the planet. Sure I may have caused the death of millions. But at least I never did any of the stuff they or the Vatican have ever been accused of. And at least I am willing to admit to it all and not cover it all up.”

“This of course was considered by the Vatican as an insult. The Pope issued the following statement.”

“There is no validity of the rumors that we cover up a bunch of stuff that we have done over the years, because we haven't done any of it. So there is no reason to cover it up. The Bible says to turn the other cheek, and that is what we will do in regards to these allegations you tin plated sorry excuse for an evil dictator's brain inside a robots body. Besides, at least we are better then the government in Wisconsin.”

“After hearing this, a representative from Wisconsin had this to say.”

“Well, he's got us there.”

“After hearing all these things that could be considered offensive to some possibly overly sensitive people, our lawyers asked us to issue the following statement. And have it run across the bottom of the screen or before this goes on the air as a disclaimer.”

“The issues of the people expressed in this special report are not those of the program or the Villain News Network. Except for those said about Wisconsin. Those are totally true. GO VIKINGS! Also, lawyers suck. Wait. I'm not saying that. Teleprompter guy, stop typing. Why are you pointing a gun at me? Fine. I'll read the statement you have prepared. 'I, the network's lawyer, am a stupid poopy head.' can I read what I came here to read now? We're out of room and time? Awe crap.”

“We aren't completely sure what was meant by most of that. But it has a lot of good points. Go Vikings.”

“and with that, this line of questions, comments, and rebuttals came to an end, but if anyone starts it up again some how, we will be back with all the details. Until then, I am Erik Von Luthor. Good Night”

We now return to The Deaf People's Opera already in progress.